Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize