Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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