why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
