I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize