also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
