Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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