If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
