the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
