bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
