I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
