Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
