How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize