I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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