i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
