so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
