i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
