i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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