so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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