dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Randomize
