I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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