I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize