It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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