there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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