you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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