you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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