There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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