One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
