my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
