If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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