WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
