I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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