I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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