At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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