She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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