Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
