I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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