STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
