Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
