So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
