We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
