oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
