Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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