I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
