I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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