Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Randomize
