At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
