our cab driver is having phone sex.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
