My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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