I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
