break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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