you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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