Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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