I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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