Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
