I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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