I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
