I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize