Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm like, not good at living.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
