you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
my shit smells like andre
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
