According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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