Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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