Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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