you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
