Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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