my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
