He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
