We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
