apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
