When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I would ride that face into the sunset
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
