she looked like the before picture.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
