They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
