It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
